Category Archives: Signs of the Apocalypse

Fun With Sloganizer

A few years back, I was disappointed when the Episcopal Church USA changed its slogan from “The Episcopal Church Welcomes You” to “The Episcopal Church: We’re Here for You”. It just sounded too much like McDonald’s “Have It Your Way”. (Apparently, someone must have agreed with me, since their website has now reverted to the old tagline.) Next time the modernizing spirit grabs them, though, Sloganizer.net is ready. Just type in a word or phrase (nouns work best) and this free computer program will generate a slogan that at times is disturbingly apt. Be warned, it can be addictive. My favorites so far:

“Naughty little Episcopal Church”
“Episcopal Church will be for you whatever you want it to be”
“Episcopal Churchtastic!”
“Episcopal Church. Impossible is nothing.” (and now, a word from Bishop Yoda)
“When you say Episcopal Church you’ve said it all”
“Episcopal Church never lies”
“Ooh la la, Episcopal Church”

Signs of the Apocalypse: Terrorist French Fries

My local paper, the Daily Hampshire Gazette (subscription required), ran this front-page story on Thursday:


Several illuminated electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for a late-night cable cartoon. Most of the devices depict a character giving the finger….

Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down and bomb squads were sent in before authorities declared the devices were harmless.

Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc. and parent of Cartoon Network, later said the devices were part of a promotion for the TV show “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” a surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball….

“The packages in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger,” Turner said in a statement.

It said the devices have been in place for two to three weeks in 10 cities: Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia….

Authorities said some of the objects looked like circuit boards or had wires hanging from them.

The first device was found at a subway and bus station underneath Interstate 93, forcing the shutdown of the station and the highway.

Later, police said four calls, all around 1 p.m., reported devices at the Boston University Bridge and the Longfellow Bridge, both of which span the Charles River, at a Boston street corner and at the Tufts-New England Medical center.

The package near the Boston University bridge was found attached to a structure beneath the span, authorities said.

Subway service across the Longfellow Bridge between Boston and Cambridge was briefly suspended, and Storrow Drive was closed as well. A similar device was found Wednesday evening just north of Fenway Park, police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said.

If there was ever a sign that we’ve slipped back into pre-9/11 complacency, this is it. Two cheers for the people of Boston for eventually noticing the devices and alerting the police, but how did the company’s hired go-fers manage to plant them in such sensitive locations in the first place? Why no reaction from the other cities? We’ve just revealed a huge hole in our national security to any terrorists who read the AP wire, and for what? A box of french fries flipping the bird. Well, they do say fast food can kill you.

Signs of the Apocalypse: Virgin Territory

The weekly entertainment guide LondonNet reported last week that sex-tape celebrities Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson will be hosting a new reality TV show, “Virgin Territory,” in which they find the last remaining virgins in America and, uh, ameliorate their condition:


The series will feature real life virgins and follow their quest to have sex for the first time. Paris and Jenna will help to educate the uninitiated contestants.

Producer Kevin Blatt said: “Paris and Jenna have been contacted about participating in the show.

“We will be unveiling giant billboards in Time Square and Los Angeles advertising for virgins to take part in the show.

“Finding virgins in New York or Los Angeles is no easy task.”

Blatt is the man who turned Paris’ homemade sex tape with ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon, which was originally leaked onto the internet, into the best selling porn DVD One Night in Paris.

One can only hope the show’s run will be shortened by a lack of candidates. Hat tip to Adam (my better half) at NoPornNorthampton, where you’ll also find a compelling post about the childhood traumas experienced by Jameson and other female porn producers who now inflict similar abuse on their female employees.