Back when I was a child and I wanted to process my feelings by reenacting the classics, I had to buy Queen Elizabeth paper dolls and cut their heads off myself. ("You have disobeyed me, you must die!" Snip, snip.)

Now Playmobil has made it easier for your precocious children to develop those dictatorial fantasies that will help them succeed later in life. Behold, the Playmobil Roman Arena:


It was bad enough for Ozymandias that his ultimate legacy was a broken statue in the desert; imagine the humiliation of Emperor Tiberius if he realized he'd been reborn as a smiling plastic toy.

But what's a Roman arena without Christian martyrs? This crew looks too well-armed to satisfy your little Perpetua-in-training. That's why she also needs the Playmobil Roman Family...

...and their vehicle of choice, the Playmobil Horse Drawn Cart with Prison Cage.

 
Enjoy your holiday shopping. I'm off to reenact Stonewall with my Ken dolls.